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Should I Get a Divorce If I'm Not Attracted to My Spouse Anymore?


There are certain issues that every married couple faces. Fortunately, in many cases, couples can work through their problems and grow stronger as a result. However, that’s not always the case. Some issues can’t be overcome no matter how hard a couple tries. One issue that may fall into that category is attraction. If one spouse is no longer attracted to the other, or both spouses have lost their attraction for one another, can a couple work through that, or is their marriage guaranteed to end in divorce? Guaranteed is a strong word, but in this instance, it may not be out of place.

What to Do If You’re No Longer Attracted to Your Spouse

While things may seem bleak if you are no longer attracted to your spouse, there is still hope for your marriage. On rare occasions, couples have managed to work through this issue and reignite their passion for one another.

Here are a few tips for what you can do if you’re no longer attracted to your spouse:

  • Try to figure out why you stopped being attracted to your partner. Think back to the last time you were attracted to your spouse. What changed? Why did you lose your attraction for your partner? You need to know what caused the problem before you can fix it. If you don’t, even if you regain your passion for your spouse, it could just go away again in the future if you don’t know why it’s happening.
  • Start thinking about what you can do to reignite your attraction for your spouse. Are there things you could be doing to inject romance back into your relationship and kickstart your attraction for your spouse? Are you mad that your partner no longer wines and dines you, but you’re unwilling to take the initiative and wine and dine them instead? A relationship involves two people. Make an effort and maybe it will inspire your spouse to make more of an effort too.
  • Very carefully discuss the issue with your partner. This is obviously a sensitive subject. However, if you’ve figured out why you’re not attracted to your partner and you’re doing what you can to solve the problem and it’s not working, this is the logical next step. But before you talk to your spouse, talk to someone you trust about the issue first, such as a close friend or therapist. You need to make sure that there are not issues you aren’t recognizing that are the real problem before you bring up the subject with your partner. When you do speak with your spouse about the issue, be careful. You want to do your best not to hurt them or upset them. Try to focus more on how you’re feeling, the specific reasons you’re feeling that way, and your desire to find your passion for one another again. Blaming your partner probably won’t get you anywhere. They will just feel attacked and disrespected and you two may grow further apart than ever.
  • Figure out a plan together. Work on the issue with your partner. Think about ways you both can change and improve the intimacy in your relationship. Maybe you can start having more date nights or try some new things in the bedroom. Or you may start trying new activities together or traveling more. If it is a physical appearance issue, maybe you two can change your eating habits and/or start a new workout regimen. If there are issues going on involving your differing world views that are interfering with your attraction for one another, maybe a healthy and constructive discussion about the issues would help.
  • If necessary, seek professional advice. You may think your attraction issues don’t warrant couples therapy, but therapy is meant to help people confront all sorts of problems. An outside perspective, especially from someone who has helped others facing similar issues, could be just the thing to turn your situation around for the better.

If none of the above works, it may be time to consider speaking with an experienced divorce lawyer about your situation. Even if you ultimately decide to continue to try to make your marriage work, it’s important to know what options are available to you.

Talk to an Experienced Divorce Attorney About Your Options Today

Yes, marriages are work, and even good marriages go through rough patches. However, some marital problems don’t have a solution that involves the couple staying together. Attraction isn’t something that can be forced. Is it the most important thing? No, but without mutual attraction, spouses are basically just roommates, and that’s not the happily ever after that most people sign up for.

At Arnold Law Group, APC, our team of divorce lawyers has more than 30 years of combined legal experience, so we understand how complicated and unique marriages can be. It’s not easy to walk away from someone who you thought would be your partner for the rest of your life. However, if the attraction is no longer there and you’ve tried everything possible to tap back into those feelings and nothing has worked, it may be time to end things. If you’re ready, we can help you. Our legal team has helped several couples and individuals through the process of ending their marriage. We know how tough it can be, but we will be there with you every step of the way.

To discuss your situation with our experienced divorce attorneys, give us a call at (559) 900-1263 or reach out to us online. We’re ready to listen and help.

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