One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is learning how to share custody
with your ex. No one wants to be the “mean parent,” but what
else can you do if your ex is acting irresponsibly as the “fun parent.”
The fun parent buys your kids whatever they want, takes them to theme
parks, rarely enforces a structured routine, and generally has the pleasure
of spoiling them rotten. To your children, visiting your ex is like a
trip to Disneyland.
Money Doesn’t Raise Children
As the primary caretaker, it’s difficult to afford your daily necessities
on top of providing for your children’s needs. When you’re
living off a single paycheck, you need to balance rent, insurance, utilities,
etc. It’s easy to feel conflicted—and even angry—when
your former spouse is financially stable and able to buy your kids anything
and everything their little hearts desire. Suddenly, you’ve become
the “mean parent” or the “no parent.”
If your children are old enough, you may be able to explain your financial
circumstances. This will help them understand why you can’t be as
frivolous as your ex. Your pride may take a hit, but you have absolutely
nothing to apologize for. You’re making the responsible decision
and ensuring that your children grow up to be considerate adults. If anything,
your children can learn how to handle money appropriately from your example.
The way their other parent is living does not reflect real life. While
it’s tempting to spoil your kids after a divorce, they don’t
actually benefit from it.
Unfortunately, there is little you can do about your ex’s spending
habits, so it’s best to let the negative emotions go. Instead, focus
your energy into caring for your children and proactively starting this
second chapter of your life.
Rules & Discipline
Rules and discipline are essential in building a child’s character.
Your children need to learn how to establish positive social and professional
traits that can serve them for the rest of their lives. However, it’s
not easy for your children to constantly jump between the fun house and
a home defined by structure and restrictions. Perhaps your ex lives by
a “no rules, no chores, no discipline” policy. What child
wouldn’t love living in that house? What doesn’t work is when
your children expect that policy to carry over to your home.
While you have no say over what happens at the fun parent’s house,
your children need to understand that your house has a different set of
rules. Rules, chores, and discipline are the building blocks to becoming
a responsible adult. You can’t give in and let your children live
only by your ex’s rules, even if this makes you the “no parent.”
This expectation can only hurt them as developing adults. Just think of
every movie or book you’ve seen that has a “rich kid”
that needs to be reformed. You don’t want to set your kids up for
failure. Your children may not see or understand the big picture yet,
but one day they will.
Have Custody Issues or Concerns? Contact Experienced Legal Professionals
If you’re currently going through a divorce or need to modify an
existing parenting plan, contact the
Fresno child custody attorneys at Arnold Law Group, APC. We can guide you through each step of your legal
journey and protect you from inadvertently making a concession that restricts
your parenting rights. We also understand that it’s impossible to
predict the personal and financial changes you’ll naturally experience
in life. If necessary, we can help you pursue a child custody modification
that safeguards your relationship with your child.
Contact Arnold Law Group, APC
at (559) 900-1263 to schedule a consultation.